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Dealing with a broken heart and how to come out on top

It requires time and self-care to fix a broken heart. You cannot rush this process. But no matter how long it takes, healing is possible. Here’s how to come out on top when your heart is broken.

Why can’t I get over someone?

A broken relationship is challenging for everyone involved. At times, it may seem as though you're bearing the brunt of the pain, while your ex appears to have transitioned. But post-breakup, who experiences greater emotional distress? It depends on the unique characteristics of each individual. Generally, the one who invested the most tends to suffer the most.

If this is you, understand that experiencing feelings of sadness or loss after a breakup is completely normal. After all, what’s wrong with clinging to positive moments, the emotions they evoked in us, and the depth of our affection for them?

Even during times that were less than ideal, our perspective tends to be overly optimistic, so we hold on to possibilities of what could have been.

How to deal with a broken heart

Mending your heart requires your action and initiative. Here’s how you can go about it:

1. Don’t hold it in

Grief varies from person to person. The most beneficial step you can take is allowing yourself to experience a range of emotions: sadness, anger, loneliness, and guilt. In this process, you may offer those close to you the same permission to embrace their grief.

The sensation of isolation can dissipate, replaced by a sense of shared understanding. It's possible that a friend has encountered similar pain and could offer you some guidance based on their experience.

2. You are not what you feel

While it's crucial to acknowledge and express your emotions, it's vital to avoid being consumed by them.

For instance, if you're experiencing sadness, feel free to cry, scream, or just be silent for a while (let’s say an hour). During this time, do whatever helps you to let your feelings out. However, once this hour elapses, gently transition your focus to a different activity.

3. Cut the cord

Moving on, it's best to refrain from meeting your ex initially after the breakup. This period of no contact serves as an opportunity to gain perspective, concentrate on your well-being, and address your personal needs.

Moreover, this separation creates the essential space needed to genuinely break the emotional ties. While it may be challenging and painful, attempting to maintain a friendship or staying connected will only hinder the process of moving forward.

4. Eliminate negative thoughts

Crying over blame or indulging in negative self-talk exacerbates the pain of heartbreak. It's a common experience to encounter distressing thoughts after a relationship ends. However, allowing these thoughts to dominate your mind obstructs the healing process.

The next time pessimistic thoughts arise, take a moment to acknowledge them and gently counteract them with more optimistic or realistic alternatives.

Developing the habit of recognizing negative thoughts as they surface simplifies the task of managing them. Engaging in mindful meditation can enhance your awareness of these thoughts and the emotions they evoke. Consider enrolling in a meditation course to get started.

5. Practice self-care

Effective self-care encompasses your emotional, physical, and spiritual well-being. There are some universal self-care practices you can adopt. These include maintaining a balanced diet, engaging in regular exercise, fostering a supportive social network, and developing coping mechanisms for managing stress, among others.

Approach yourself with patience, kindness, and generosity. Remember that the aftermath of a breakup isn't solely emotional; people can experience physical sensations of loss as well.

It's crucial to regain a broader perspective. Although a romantic relationship might have held a central role in your life, it's important to recognize that nourishing connections come in various forms. Continue nurturing relationships with friends, family, and most importantly, with yourself.

In times of change, seeking support from a dependable, skilled, and compassionate therapist is an essential aspect of self-care. It is particularly valuable when dealing with loss.

6. Learn from your heartbreak

Finally, a broken heart can teach you several lessons and serve as an opportunity for personal growth.

Take a moment to consider the insights you can gain from this phase in your life. How might you safeguard yourself from future heartbreaks? What approach will you adopt for upcoming relationships? Is there something within you that could be enhanced to become a better partner?

Reassess your relationship preferences and aversions. Jot down these and respond to them in a journal. Engaging in this process of reflection will undoubtedly lead to acquiring fresh life perspectives.

To sum up, the loss of a relationship can create a sense of incompleteness. But this feeling is deceptive. You possess all you need within yourself; your self-worth isn't reliant on others. Remind yourself that you are a complete individual with extraordinary qualities. The ache you're experiencing is temporary, so take a moment to breathe deeply and take care of yourself. You can overcome this!


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